In the National Veteran Suicide Prevention Annual Report, it states that in 2021, suicide rates rose 3.5% from 2020. Veterans between ages 18- and 34-years old had an unadjusted suicide rate of 49.6 per 100,000, while the rate was 35.5 per 100,000 for those between ages 35- and 54-years old; 29.9 per 100,000 for those between ages 55- and 74-years old; and 32.1 per 100,000 for those aged 75-years-old and older. 3.5% rise. With less than 1% of the population enlisting into the US military, 3.5% is extremely high. Being a veteran myself, I can’t help but look at that percentage with nothing but grief and pain. Having lost fellow brothers and sisters to the demons we all face, it hurts me to see.
Even outside the Department of Defense, the mental health crisis we face is insurmountable. As a parent, how do we heal ourselves from the mental overload life beats into us? How do we mentally handle the stresses of work, children, finances, and everything in between?
When I left active duty, I was in a mental decline. I resorted to drinking in my garage alone at the end of the day. Sitting in the cold in front of a space heater looking into the depths of the ceiling trying to figure out what the hell I was to do. I came to a dark moment in my life when I prematurely accepted a job in Virginia. Packing my bags, I said goodbye to my kids and wife, in hopes they would join me down south once I was settled. In the short drive I did. I came the closest I ever did to wanting to end my life. At that moment I called my mother, who had been there since I said goodbye at 18 years old to join the Marines. I broke down talking to her, finally admitting that I was lost and didn’t know what to do. She replied saying “just come home”.
With that, I finally got the kick in my head I needed. I turned around and went to my house. I went through the door and was met by my wife who was shocked I was standing there. I went over to where she was sitting and hugged her. I felt relief in that moment. When I left the military, I felt that I had no purpose anymore. What I realized in that moment is that my purpose is to ensure my family has me around and grow into a better man.
And so, the “speakeasy” bar I built during the COVID-19 lockdown got disassembled. I bought horse-stall mats, a squat rack, and weights. I began focusing on my mental outcome by physical exertion. The gym grew from deals on Facebook marketplace and sales at various fitness outlets. In 2022, I started a new journey in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. On top of lifting weights, I was now becoming humbler on the mats sparring with other individuals on a similar journey as myself. Over the years, my basement gym has slowly grown. I try to include my children who enjoy lifting the 2.5lbs plates and my 4-year-old daughter, who can proudly deadlift the 30lbs dumbbell. Of course, the gym is also a sanctuary and sometimes you do need a moment to yourself to lift. Being in your own thoughts underneath the barbell is my (dare I say) safe space.
I still have a long journey of recovery mentally. I’m constantly trying to work on myself. But I now have a meaning again, saved by lifting heavy things and putting them down.